A Statement of Fax Relative to the Late Murder
Introduction
William Makepeace Thackeray (D.J. Ramsbottom). “The Fax.” The Snob: A Literary and Scientific Journal. 1, 3 (1829).
“Statement of Fax Relative to the Late Murderer” was one of a series of pieces composed by William Makepeace Thackeray under the hilarious pseudonym of Mrs. D.J. Ramsbottom – a fictional resident of the city of Cambridge. Mrs. Ramsbottom had her place in The Snob as an unofficial news correspondent, relating interesting happenings to the University community. Often dramatic and over-wrought, Thackeray’s character’s obvious effort to sound educated was laughable and blended nicely with the general tone of the university journal and Thackeray’s amazingly playful sense of humor.
Among university students, residents of the city were pejoratively referred to as “snobs” and seen as less educated and refined than university members. In an obvious effort to impress the educated young students –“the gownsmen”, Mrs. Ramsbottom comes off as hilariously ignorant of her own lack of education, constantly misusing words and alluding to famous literature and historical events incorrectly. Allusions to Caesar who wanted to be the “Poop of Room” but was killed by “two brutes” exemplify the historical faux pas Mrs. Ramsbottom was prone to commit. Other examples include exclamations of “I was putrified!” and references to a local columnist's “weakly dromedary” (which is a genus of camel) clearly illustrate her style. The character made brief appearances in The Snob and continued on into the first issues of The Gownsman until Mrs. Ramsbottom bid readers “a jew.”
Transcription
Statement of Fax Relative to the Late Murderer
(See PDF Version)
ARTICLE I. – STATEMENT OF FAX RELATIVE TO THE LATE MURDERER
BY D.J. RAMSBOTTOM[1]
_____
“Come I to speak in Cæsar’s funeral.” MILTON, JULIUS CÆSAR, ACT III.
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ON Wednesday the 3rd of June as I was sitting in my back parlour taking tea, young Frederick Tudge entered the room; I reserved from his dislevelled hair and vegetated appearance, that something was praying on his vittles. When I heard from him the cause of his vegetation, I was putrified! I stood transfigured! His Father, the Editor of “The Snob,” had been macerated in the most sanguine manner. The drops of compassion refused my eyes, for I thought of him, who I had lately seen high in health and happiness; that ingenious indivisible, who often and often when seated alone with me has “made the table roar,” as the poet has it, and whose constant aim in his weakly dromedary [2] was to delight as well as to reprove. His son Frederick, too young to be acquainted with the art of literal imposition, has commissioned me to excommunicate the circumstances of his death, and call down the anger of the Proctors and Court of Aldermen on the phlogitious perforators of the deed.
It appears that as he was taking his customary rendezvous by the side of Trumpington Ditch, he was stopped by some men in under-gravy dresses, who put a pitch-plaister on him, which completely developed his nose and eyes, or, as Shakespeare says, “his visible ray.” He then was dragged into a field, and the horrid deed was replete! Such are the circumstances of his death; but Mr. Tudge died like Wriggle-us, game to the last; or like Cæsar in that beautiful faction of the poet, with which I have headed my remarks, I mean him who wanted to be Poop of Room [3], but was killed by two Brutes, and the fascinating hands of a perspiring Senate.
With the most sanguinary hopes that the Anniversary and Town will persecute an enquiry into this dreadful action, I will conclude my repeal to the pathetic reader; and if by such a misrepresentation of fax, I have been enabled to awaken an apathy for the children of the late Mr. Tudge, who are left in the most desultory state, I shall feel the satisfaction of having exorcised my pen in the cause of Malevolence, and soothed the inflictions of indignant Misery.
D.J. RAMSBOTTOM
P.S. The publisher requests me to state that the present No. is published from the MS. Found in Mr. Tudge’s pocket, and one more number will be soon forthcoming containing his inhuman papers.
Notes
- ↑ A female pseudonym William Makepeace Thackeray employed as a character who was prone to misusing words either out of context or accidentally misspelling them for comic effect. Here such examples of “I was putrified!” and “weakly dromedary” clearly illustrate the point. The character continued on into the first issues of “The Gownsman” until Mrs. Ramsbottom bid readers “a jew.”.
- ↑ Arabian camel (Camelus dromedarius)
- ↑ The most obvious example of misspelling and playfulness – the Pope of Rome, killed by Brutus.
Edited by: Rushton, Michael: Section 1, Winter 2013
From: Volume 1, Issue 3 (The Snob: A Literary and Scientific Journal)
